Okay well it's 11.21 at night.. I finished The Perks of Being A Wallflower about an hour ago which I really wanted to do tonight which is good, but after that I had to get all my notebooks&pencils&shit together which got me all anxious and panic-y cause I start school tomorrow. I've pretty much spent the last hour shaking and hyperventilating and trying to calm down but it's still not working because I'm so nervous. I have a different bus then last year this year, which sucks major ballsack because a lot of my friends were on my old bus and I don't know anyone on my new bus.. I didn't move or anything either, I live in the same house since I've moved here, and I don't have a single clue to who could possibly be on my new bus this year because there are 2 different buses and there are 2 different streets across from my neighborhood.. It's really confusing though because my bus isn't either of those buses. And I know it's stupid, but it's my 8th grade year and normally the 8th graders all get to sit in the back of the bus.. I have a feeling I'm gonna be one of the early stops like I always am and I don't know if I should sit in the back or not because I don't know who's gonna be on my bus.. Most people in my grade are like "oh blah blah blah I've waited 2 years for this" and shit but like it's mostly a thing for like the popular kids and things, and I'm just kind of a.. nobody. So like if one of the popular shitheads (random, but I just typed shitheads and it didn't come up on spell-check, but ballsack did.. weird.) is on my bus then I don't want them to flip out, but at the same time if other nobodies or 6th or 7th graders take the way back, then I don't wanna give up the seats. Granted, I could just sit there the 2nd day since I'm (most likely) an early stop, but that could start a potential argument and I'm just so socially awkward I can't let that happen. And then that's just the beginning. At my school, when the buses drop you off, in between that moment and when you go to your lockers before homeroom, the whole school has to wait in the cafeteria every day until 7.45 when everybody gets there to go to our lockers so nobody's late for homeroom. Last year my bus picked me up at 7.08 and I got to school at like 7.20 so I could just walk in and sit down before my friends got there. And sure it was kind of awkward, but I just kept my head down and didn't have to worry about anyone/thing bothering me and I could just play Solitaire on my iPod in peace before people actually showed up and it was kind of nice because everyone knew their place. This year my bus picks me up at 7.18 instead, which is 10 minutes later, so I'll probably get to school 10 minutes later if we go the same way/have the same amount of stops (which we probably won't, so really everything is up in the air), so then I'll have to either a., pick a table to sit at (more than likely the same one that we sat at last year) and hope my friends notice me and sit down with me, or if my bus is 10 minutes late then b., have to find my friends at a table and awkwardly walk around the cafeteria (which not to mention is absolutely huge because back in like the 80's and early 90's my middle school used to be a high school so everything is 20x bigger) looking for them and hoping I don't make eye contact with anyone I don't like. Which I'm praying to god will NOT happen. So after that, with whatever happens, I have to go straight upstairs instead of to my locker, because I don't have my locker #/combo yet. Which is what I get in homeroom. Only problem..? 3/4 of the teachers got new classrooms this year so I have no clue where my teacher's classroom is because me and my friend couldn't find it during orientation last week and I don't even know the damn room # so I'm totally fucked. And I'll probably just give up and sit in the middle of the hallway and cry cause I have no clue where I'm going and all of my friends are in different homerooms&have different teachers so I'm totally alone. Just watch. That'll be me. At orientation I went to my classrooms twice and copied my schedule into a notebook like 4 times earlier so I know where all of my classes are&things, I just don't know when I have lunch because it wasn't in my schedule off of my school's website, and everyone ignored me on facebook when I asked. Anyways, I'm sorry this was such a long, personal post but this is what's going on in my life now&if you actually read it all, thanks. I needed to vent, &honestly this is what I created this blog for so, yeah. And I'm still hyperventilating. And shaking. And me&my best friend were supposed to pull an all nighter but she's not answering her phone or facebook chats or anything so I guess I should probably go to sleep cause obviously that plan's not gonna work.. And I have to wake up at 5.30 to curl my hair (for the first time so it'll probably look awful anyways) and do everything to get ready and freak out some more. So thanks for listening. I'm probably not gonna sleep anyways because I don't sleep well when I can't relax no matter what books I read or music I listen to. And I've still gotta figure out how to get around eating a lot tomorrow cause it's when the real part of my diet starts, 300 calories - let's go.
Shannon
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